As I sit here aimlessly listening to my girls destroy their bedroom AGAIN :) looking at Facebook and blogs (which I haven't done in forever, let alone update mine) I decided why not just do it. I have been avoiding updating my blog I think. For 1 thing, I post most everything on Facebook, secondly I wasn't sure when I would be ready to write about my mom.

The past few months have been extremely challenging. As most everyone knows my mom has struggled with diabetes for years and for half of my life it has just progressively gotten worse and on May 3rd of this year her fight ended. On April 8th she suffered a massive heart attack that she survived, but with major damage to her heart. We knew her heart was not healthy cause the year before she had to have a procedure done to clear out one of her arteries, but still the heart attack came as a bit of a surprise. It lasted for days luckily most of the time she was on painkillers to help. One test here another test there resulted in her needing a triple by pass and a valve repair. 2 surgeons told her the surgery was to risky, but one lady Dr. Iva Semolens felt mom was so young she deserved another shot at life. Without this surgery she would die, with it she might have a chance. After multiple conversations and making sure her blood sugars were stable (there had been some issues along the way, that she pulled though as well) the Dr.'s collectively decided that mom could go home with a follow up scheduled. No time was wasted with scheduling open heart surgery, and thankfully mom was able to be at home for a week while prepping for the surgery. This meant grandkids could come and go and she could be in the comfort of her own home even if for one last time. She promised Haylee a picnic even if it were in the backyard, but she held true and went to the park with all her grandkids. Her and my dad were able to spend time together without the confines of a hospital. A lot of things happened and looking back it is all clear what the plan was all along.

I am forever grateful to Dr. Semolens who worked for nearly 8 hours April 29th to fix my moms heart. Mom survived the surgery and she said beforehand that she would, but her body was tired, it fought, she fought but her time had come. Dr. Semolns was there till the very end fighting with mom, for mom. In the end her heart just stopped this was after a day of kidney failure, organs shutting down, blood transfusions and attempts at dialysis.

I have so many mixed feeling about her passing. In many ways I am happy for her, happy that she is no longer suffering, happy that she can be the person she was in caring for others, and happy that she is with others she loved dearly that have passed. In the recent years, diabetes had kept from from doing so many things she loved. She was the most GIVING person I know. Many times I felt she gave when she should have been taking care of herself, there were times I expressed this to her, but she still did what she loved to do and that was serve others. It was obvious to me how many peoples lives she touched my the overwhelming response to her death and by how many people showed up to her funeral. I am so grateful to her for giving me my love to bake and cook and try new recipes. There were many a times we sat and went through Taste of Home cookbooks and magazines. I am grateful for her example in believing in people, giving them the benefit of the doubt and if they messed up still being there to pick them up. She has taught me to open myself and my home to those in need. I have a love for crafts, and cross stitching because of her, again I could go on. :)

Her funeral truly was the most beautiful I had ever attended, it came together so perfectly. I know she carried me through so much already, and as things have started to slow down I find myself trying to get though this the best I can. I think of her everyday many many times. I am thankful to so many people I don't think I would want to even attempt to start naming them in fear of forgetting someone.

I started this blog post 3 months ago.....today is Sept. 5th. Wow!!

There is more to catch up on but for now I just wanted to put this post out there in memory of my mom!! I miss her dearly. She has been gone 4 months now. As 2 of my sisters and I sat down tonight to plan our next Halloween party, I was saddened that my mom was not here to plan it. I'm sure she will be at the party in spirit. Her and my dad had always wanted it to be a tradition that is now going on it's 4th year. I'd say that is a great start.

I love you Mom!!

Love,

Heather